I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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