i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize