She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
