We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
