honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
