A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
