dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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