"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
