my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
