I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
