dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
