I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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