some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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