i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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