So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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