I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
