In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
