Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
