she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize