I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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