I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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