btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
