Pants 0. Shit 1.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
