I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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