WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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