1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
