HIV tests are more positive than that guy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize