Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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