My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
