i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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