I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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