Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
