it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
