singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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