Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
