i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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