my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we're so committed to being not committed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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