Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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