Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
