If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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