Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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