Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
