At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
