the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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