I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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