PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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