What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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