can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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