took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize