Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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