No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
