dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
