She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
