He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
