I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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