Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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