youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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