i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
