i may or may not be watching the land before time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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