What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize