Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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