all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
