Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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