Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize