So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize