Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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