He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
