Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
