at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
