cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize