I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize