dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
