eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
