Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
