i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize