She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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