my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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