I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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