it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
