fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
