I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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